Iceland, part 3

I feel kinda dumb that I've gone on a whole new epic trip and haven't even finished my blog from the last epic trip...6 months ago. I just happen to be in Budapest right now, and the world's biggest rainstorm has just descended on the city. I happen to have beer in the hotel room fridge, and the Chelsea/Wolves game on the TV, so it seems as good a time as any to finish this bitch up so I can start writing about THIS trip.

So, when I left you last time, Jess and Marissa had just left for a Geysir and Waterfall tour, and I had just fallen asleep...at 4:30pm. They got back around 11pm, which is pretty much when I woke up. Boo. We sat up for a while, drank a few beers, blah blah...Marissa went mental a couple of times about stuff that I don't quite remember, which was pretty amusing. Just like the night before though, I ended up watching movies all night while Jess was passed out on the floor. Yes, I'm a loser.

The whole time I was awake, I was looking out the window at the ever-changing weather. I don't think I've ever seen that sort of rain or wind...ever. And I've lived on Vancouver Island, where shit like the roof of our patio has blown away before. Multiple times actually. Sideways rain is amusing when you don't have to go out in it, I guess.

It did kinda fuck with the next day though. Jess and Marissa went off to the Blue Lagoon with her friend Kyle and his Icelandic friend. I think his name was Peter, but I'm not sure. I couldn't remember Kyle's name, depsite Marissa telling me a bunch of times, so for some reason I just christened them both Peter. For the rest of the trip, they were the 2 Peters. I think even called Kyle Peter a few times at the bar later, which was probably a bit confusing to him, but hey, I'm a different kinda cat, ya heard?

So, I spent a lot of the day...sleeping. Woo boy I'm a party animal. I should point out that the only good channel on Icelandic TV at this point was the music channel, but it only had a 2 hour loop, so we kept seeing the same videos over and over. One was a terribly awesome dance video which I thought was great and Jess...well, it made him angry. Naturally, I'd turn it up every time it came on, and even play it on youtube when he would try to nap. It drove him crazy, which was obviously my goal.

So, later in the day when I was awake and Jess was ready to go, we went and met up with Marissa and the two Peters at a bar called Cafe Oliver. It was good to get out of that room, because it STANK. We decided to take a cab over because of the weather. Cabbie turns on the radio...and guess what song is on? I thought Jess was going to get out of a moving cab, which was pretty amusing to me. I sang in the front seat while Jess stewed in the back, which confused the shit out of the cabbie. Good times.

Anyway, we get to the bar, and it was pretty nuts. We walk in, and to our left is a booth containing 6 girls. All blonde. All hot. I just stopped dead and stared, because it was pretty amazing. Jess was already at the bar with Marissa and the Peters, but I just stood there. Till a guy in a Coors Light hat bumped into me. Greeeat...this place had Americans in it.

The reason we were here was because it was cheap beer night...5 bucks a pop. Yes, that's the sale price. We managed to get a beer without much trouble, and I took a look around. The place was jam-packed with super-hot blonde Icelandic girls, Icelandic guys dressed like your favorite emo band, and a bunch of redneck Americans. It was an amusing scene for a while, but it got old reaaaal quick. The Americans were acting like Americans, which offended pretty much everyone there. They were standing near us, so when it came time to get a second beer, the bartender wouldn't come near us. He just stayed at the other side of the bar, serving everyone there. We couldn't go over there, because it was jam-packed. So we waited. And waited.

15 or 20 minutes later, one of the Peters finally managed to get the guy to come over and pour us a fucking beer, but the damage was done by then. I wanted nothing more to do with the pretentiousness or the Americans, hot girls or not. My theory was that if this was the first bar we went to, which sucked, and they were all hot, they're probably all hot everywhere else right?

Chalk up a party foul to Timmy. Sorta.

We said our goodbyes to the Peters and Marissa, and went looking for somewhere else to drink/stare at girls. Unfortunately, the next thing I saw was a casino bar...and I HAD to go inside. Normally Bitch is enthused by international gambling (because the bastard usually wins), but he was reluctant about this place. I couldn't figure out why, until about 10 minutes after we got in there. A freak made it quite clear.

I have no clue if this chick was homeless or mentally ill or what, but all she wanted was our beers. She was trying to tell us that, I think, but I couldn't understand a fucking thing she was saying. It was in english, too. She was just rambling on and on until she became impossible to ignore. Me and bitch just looked at each other, sort of astonished, and he handed the broad his pint. I'm way too hardened for that, so when she reached for mine too, I shotgunned it. She was not amused. And we made double time getting the FUCK outta that place. First thing I said when we got outside was "Holy shit! They have natives here too!" That got a laugh out of Jess at least.

We just walked straight out and down some side street, because Jess is bedazzled by blinking lights. I just realized his lights obsession would be way funnier if he had epilepsy. ANYWAY, the blinking light in this case was a sign for a strip club, which sounded like the greatest fucking idea on the planet at that point in time. What do Icelandic women look like naked? Are they all hot when they've got clothes on, but hairier than Chewbacca underneath? Do they really dance to Bjork? Is it so cold that they sometimes get stuck to the pole? So many questions were about to be answered...

Or not.

We get to the entrance...and there are two doors. TWO DOORS. It's like the fucking Matrix with the pills and shit. Which do we choose? There was a guy outside, and he pointed at one of the doors. It seemed logical that he would point at the door with naked whores inside, because...you know, he's a guy and he likes naked women, right? Wrong. We ended up in a pub. Not the worst thing ever, but still. It had women, but they had their clothes on, and there wasn't much hope of nudity in the near future. Fail.

I still can't remember why we didn't go back and try the other door. I think I just saw a beer tap and, like usual, forgot about space and time and everything else and plunked down right in front of it and started at the bartender chicky until I had beer in my face again. Jess might have been talking...I certainly wasn't listening. Once I was whole again, we sat there for a while and stared at the pretty girls playing pool and shot the shit. A few hours and Gulls later, we were kinda plastered, so we decided to head out. Only problem with that was...we had no fucking idea where we were.

As we all know by now, I'm fucking terrible with directions. Luckily Jess led the way in this case, and we headed in what turned out to be the right direction. After a stop at a gas station for some drunk food (Jess kept yelling "This is the best sub of ALL TIME!" about 30 times along the way, in between mouthfuls) and we made it back in one piece. Luckily it had stopped raining for the 20 minutes or so it took us to get back.

After making Jess laugh so hard he spit his beer all over the floor of our hotel room...twice!...we managed to pass out. I fell asleep a happy guy, finally getting a taste of what Iceland was like. Sorta. I can't exactly say it was a touching cultural experience or anything, but it was a shitload of fun at least. And there were hot blonde girls (almost) everywhere. What's to complain about?

We were both leaving the next day, but we were going to radically different destinations. I was going home via Seattle, and he was just starting his 2 weeks in Europe, so he was going to London. Despite having no money and less time, I spent 2 hours on the hotel computer trying to figure out a way to go with him. Anyone who says traveling isn't an addiction should have seen me at that computer. I wanted to go so fucking bad, but it was not meant to be. I flew back to Seattle, where I stayed in a suite at the Howard Johnson (talk about an oxymoron), and Jess went on to conquer a variety of places, including Egypt. That bastard. I get a small bit of satisfaction out of the fact that I'm writing this in Budapest though, and he's going to Columbus next week. I win!