Tuesday, January 23, 2007

What what?

First off, sorry bout the last blog entry. Well, I'm not gonna lie...I wasn't sober. I dunno what gave that away...perhaps my continual reference to the Stoli I was drinkin....but anyways, I know it didn't make much sense. I apologize for that. It seemed kinda witty at the time....but it didn't translate to the sober world all that well.

I do have to say one thing though....if people expect me to write these things sober all the time, they're gonna be verrry bored. So....buckle up.

Really, there's not a whole lot to say about my life lately. I got EI. I get 1400 a month to sit around and do nothing. I'm really good at doing nothing, so I intend to do it as long as possible. The government decided June was my deadline. I beg to differ.

Other than being at Jen's most of December, I really haven't done a whole lot with my time off. My plan was (and is) to travel as much as possible. C'mon people, I know you need somethin to read...I'm not gonna let you down. I just don't have the bank to do as much as I did before.

So, here's my plan.

If you don't live in Greater Vancouver, and are willing to put up an angry drunken giraffe...I wanna hear from ya.

You put me up for next to nothing....and....

I promise you endless entertainment, worldwide acclaim (cuz everyone reads my blog...ya heard?), and I'll clean up after myself. Most of the time.

Good deal, right? RIGHT?.

Okay....and we're back. Don't worry, we're not going down the same confusing path as the last blog. That was my only tangent of the night.

The last week and has been eventful for me. The sunday before last (Jan 14th), I went out with Len, Rob Milo, and Shawn. Yes, Shawn...he's back from Mexico. After 5 bars, 10 hours, and 250 bucks, I made it home safely. Shawn fell asleep in his car at a skytrain station. Len took an 80 dollar cabride back to Maple Ridge. Rob didn't even make it till 9:30. I figure I got off light with a 30 dollar cabride and not much of a hangover. BTW, the bouncers at the Buffalo Club are very nice to guys that are bigger than them...they let me do anything I wanted. Which involved sticking three chairs in the middle of the dance floor to watch hockey hilights with Len and some random girl, apparently. Oops.

I took it easy monday and tuesday. Watched hockey and The Shield, took Pollux for long walks, hung with dad....usual shit. Canucks shut out the Habs. Yes Jess, the Habs lost. They do that a lot.

Wednesday, played some poker with Shawn, Kam, and Sonny G. Won 40 bucks. Shawn will pay me someday. Waitress at Woodys doesn't like us anymore.

Thursday...Evanescence and Stone Sour. I tell everyone Corey Taylor is the best frontman you'll ever see. He proved it that night. He even called out George Bush before singing Come What (Ever) May...if you go back bout 15 blogs, you'll find the lyrics. Their set was short, but awesome.

Nothing compared to Amy though. My god....Len kept waving his hand in front of my face, cuz I was totally stunned. Besides being beyond hot, her voice was totally incredible. Way better than I ever imagined live. Lisa got hit in the face with a guitar pic, and gave it to me. Ever since, my luck has been awesome. It was an awesome night. Oh yeah, the canucks won 2-1 over Ottawa. Right cuz?

Friday was recovery day from the concert, and the Buffalo/Vancouver PPV at Dannys. Tough way to lose, but Sabourin played really good. And yes, homos....I did choose to watch the game at Danny's over playing poker with y'all at the OT. Get over it, geez.

Saturday was Karanoke. I know I spelled it wrong. That's how Danny pronounces it, and it sorta stuck. Me, Lisa, Jim, Shawn, Danny and Meadd showed up. Danny dedicated the first song to me for some reason, and decided to sing...the Backstreet Boys. Bastard. He was really horrible at it though, so it was funny. Next up, he changed all the lyrics to Barenaked Ladies "If I Had A Million Dollars". Most of you know Danny...you can guess how funny it was. I won 135 on pulltabs....and that covered my bill. How convenient.

Sunday was watching football with dad. Today, I managed to win 300 at the casino, playin caribbean stud. Then go to Woodys and Mugs w/ Shawn. Between my lucky toque (right Jeanette?) and my now my lucky Evanescence guitar pick...I can't lose.

There, you're caught up. Will you leave me alone for a few days now? You people make me feel sorry for celebrities...I didn't realize my life was in the public eye so much. I know I'm an internet icon now, but please...I need SOME privacy. : )

I'll be travelling soon, don't worry. These blogs will become much more interesting.

Sunday, January 7, 2007

Boredom

It's 2:30am on a saturday night/sunday morning. I'm reeeaaaalllllllly bored, so I'm not sure how much substance this blog will have. But, in my experience, blog writing kills a ton of time, once I pick a subject to ramble on about. Even if I don't, I'll enjoy myself trying to find one. Cuz I'm cool like that.

Yeah, I'm still thinking of a subject....leave me alone. Argh, I hate all of you. Fuck. Stupid vodka.

I guess I should start off with some totally wicked crazy awesome news. My sisters chemo is working out very well, and is in the process of beating the snot out of the cancer she has been dealing with. She has 5 more treatments, once a month (next one is monday)...but they're working very well according to the doc, and will put the cancer into remission for sure. Who knows what the future holds...but for now, I will continue to have my big sister in my life. And she can continue to be a great mother to her children. Thanks for putting up with me, Jenner. I'm glad to have the opportunity to put up with you.

And Curtis can continue to be the best pseudo-brother-in-law I could ever ask for. He really is a brother, too. : )

Normally, I wouldn't be this nice to another male...but Curtis was totally awesome to me while I was over there....he bought me beer continually(along with Jen and Leona), gave me money cuz he knew I was broke (despite my objections), and put up with me eating all their food and disrupting their daily lives. I'm not taking anything away from Jenner here, cuz she was equally as giving....I just wanted Curtis to know, if he ever reads this (he probably won't...he hates computers)....that his acceptance of me in his house was much appreciated. I tried to reciprocate by helping out wherever I could. He might not be married to my sister, but I consider him my brother. He's cool like that.

Don't worry, this isn't my subject of choice. I'm pretty sure you didn't come here to read about my admiration of a black man.

Wow, that could be taken so many different ways....leave me alone, bastards.

6 observations you probably don't give a shit about:

1. The canucks have won 6 in a row.

2. George St Pierre can't defend his belt against Matt Serra at UFC 67 cuz he got hurt. Boo. Cro Cop is in the UFC now. BTW, for anyone that cares, I think it's stupid that UFC is calling him "Mirko Cro Cop". His last name is Filipovic. He's Croatian. He was a cop. We get it. No one else gets tagged by a nickname only. It's insulting. I know, I know...who cares. That was my rant of the day.

3. No matter how much vodka you put in a caesar, you can counteract the vodka taste with enough tabasco. My tongue might be on fire, but it's better than tasting Stoli. If none of this blog makes sense...Stoli is the problem, dammit. Not me.

4. I fucked up buying Evanescence tickets, and I dunno how to explain it to Len and Lisa. Apparently the floor was already sold out, so I originally bought 2 seats, close to the stage. Then decided, competely shitfaced, to buy 2 more tickets 12 hours later...on the other side of the stage. I'm hoping I can trade up, or something...cuz we were supposed to go as a group...and we won't be anywhere near each other, at this rate. Oops. I'll invite a whore...then stick Len with Lisa and take the whore for myself! YES! Wait...I dunno if I have the money for a whore. Dammit.

5. Counting calories and exercising appropriately is really easy till you stay up for 36 hours, and sleep for 15. It kinda throws everything off a bit. Yes, I'm trying to get rid of my gunt. Jackals.

6. After making spicy caesars, never underestimate how much of that mix ends up on your fingers. And never, ever, ever, decide to "rub the inside of your nose" after spilling tabasco on your finger. Alright, screw you, I was probably picking my nose without thinking about it...but now I have a runny nose, watery eyes, and a whole new appreciation of being 7 years old. Leave me alone.

After all that, I still don't have a subject. Let's start rambling again, and see if one jumps out.

I'm still unemployed...cuz I'm STILL waiting on EI (Employment Insurance). Normally they make a decision within 3 weeks of applying. After 3 weeks, they called me...and told me I hadn't turned in my ROE (record of employment) yet. I was told by someone in my immediate family that works for that branch of the government (who shall remain nameless...RENEE!) that I didn't need to turn it in, and they could look up a copy on their own. NOPE. Soooo....that delayed my claim by 3 more weeks. I should find out anyday now...but my dad is getting mighty pissed at my lack of paying rent, and general lack of direction. Should I just go out and get a job? Probably. But...here's the deal...what would you do?

If I get EI, I get 10 bucks an hour to sit at home, tax free, to do...sweet fuck all. For 35-40 weeks. That's a looong time.

If I get a job, I'll make anywhere from 13-18 bucks an hour...to actually go out and work, 40+ hours a week. That's even longer.

I've already been offered 2 or 3 jobs...that's not the point. I wanna do fuck all, dammit! 8-9 months of gettin paid to do nothing = travelling, baby!

I've been working pretty much non-stop, since I was 16. Only break I had was 3 months in Europe, in 2004. If you read my old blogs...3 months alone isn't exactly a break, believe me. Anyways, I've been off for 2 months now. It's been good, and bad, all at the same time.

I could blabber on about the "Rat Race" vs the "Perils of Travelling". It'd make an okay subject. But it's not cutting edge enough to hold my readers attention, ya know?

I'm sorry, I had to type that...it made me laugh hysterically. Why? Cuz...

a) The statement assumes I have readers who hang on my every word.

b) The statement assumes I have the ability to forge new ground on a debate that has been...debated...since "Allah" only knows when. ***

c) I've always wanted to use the term "cutting edge" in a blog. I feel so complete now.

*** I'm not a Muslim, obviously. I like goats, I don't feel the need to slit their throats. (Some Muslims do that...how random was that fact?)

That rhymed, by the way.

Anyways, I just wanted to change up the whole "God only knows" statement that has now become part of our lexicon. I am my own god....but I figured throwing "Tim only knows" in that sentence would confuse people.

Much like the last minute of reading did, I assume. Go confusion, fatty!

Okay....back to reality!



I considered deleting all of that, but I can't stop laughing at all of it, so I'll keep it. I realize how completely retarded it is, don't worry. If you need an explanation, refer to observation 3, back at the beginning. My mouth is on fucking fire right now, still, BTW.

It's 4:53AM. I played with my puppy a lil bit too...don't think I spent all this time writing for you jackals. Okay, I'm so stupidly drunk now, anything could make sense.

Told ya storytelling was time consuming. So is playing with a 15 pound dog, apparently.

Obviously, this isn't the most intelligent entry you've ever absorbed from yours truly. But look at it this way...if I get EI, you'll get to read many witty travel blogs in the near future. If not....you can read drunken entries like this! EI = entertainment. Penniless = disjointed randomness!

I wrote a reallly messed up drunken conclusion a while ago...somehow, it's not so poetic now, since I sobered up n all. It's 8:07AM now.

Bye!