America, Part 2

Hello people. Sorry part 2 took so long. Life issues, ya know. I'm sure you'll hear about them soon enough. Probably not long after I complete my quadrilogy. Big word eh? (It means 4 part series, americans). Oooh...an american joke in the first paragraph. I rule.

If you're new to my...space (get it?), or you dunno what the fuck I'm talkin about, scroll down below this entry to "America, part 1". It should help you catch up.

Anyways, here's part 2 of my epic odyssey thru the US and A, as Borat says. Well, he wouldn't say odyssey, but you get the idea.



Frontier Airlines rules. They have the TV's in every seatback, like Westjet does. But you can pay for PPV movies on it, or just watch DirectTV. I splurged and spent 8 bucks to watch "The Break Up". Shitty movie. But the flight was over before I even got uncomfy in my seat. So, mission accomplished.

NASHVILLE

First thing I did when I got there was call my bank, since they put a hold on a large portion of my last (!) work check, for some reason. I had 12 dollars to my name at that point, and if they wouldn't clear the hold...well...the rest of my trip would have been less entertaining than the shitty movie I saw on the plane. Anyways, after 20 minutes of transfers and delays, I got access to my money. Now that I had 300 bucks in my pocket...2 dollars for public transit with the locals, or 9 bucks for the cushy airport shuttle, that drops me off in front of my hotel?

Do I really need to answer that?

After the shuttle dropped me off, I checked in quickly and went to my room. It was...okay. I was expecting a hotel, where you enter your room from a hallway. Ya know, indoors. This was more like a motel, where you enter your room from...outside. At first I was kinda disappointed I spent 100 bucks a night for this...but when I opened the door again, and saw the Tennessee State Capitol staring back at me, from across the street...it seemed like a wise investment.

I abandoned my "3 block radius" rule, since the downtown core of Nashville is quite small, and easy to navigate. Downhill means you're headed towards downtown. Uphill means away from downtown. I'm horrible with directions, and even I could figure that out.

Anyways, my first stop had to be...a bar. I know this isn't unusual. But in Nashville, the bars are actually the main tourist draws. Down the main strip of downtown (Broadway), there's 4 blocks of "Honky Tonks". They're bars that have live country music, from 11AM - 4AM, everyday. I ducked into the first one I saw, and it was pretty cool. Lotsa memorabilia on the walls, cool layout, and a live country performer right in front of me. At 4PM. On a tuesday.

After I was in there for 2 beers (BTW, that's how I told time on the trip....a hockey game was 5 beers, football game was 6, a restaurant dinner was 3, etc) he started to sing a song called "The Alcohol of Fame". It was the funniest song I have ever heard. It's the soundtrack to my life. Some of the stunning lyrics:

"I have been inducted into the alco-hol of fame,

It took 23 buds before the police came,

Yes, I'm a member of the alco-hol of fame,

These bitches will never look at me the same"

Cuz I made somethin of my name. I got game!

I'm in the f'n alco-hol of fame"

That's the only part I remember. I was laughing so hard, I think I missed half the song. It was fucking awesome. I've been trying to download it since I got home, but I never asked the guy his name, and I can't find it.

The best part? There were 4 people in the bar the time. Me, a 60+ couple, and the bartender chicky. That's it. The other 3 must have thought I was completely retarded...cuz I could NOT stop laughing.

Anyways, these guys make money from tips, and have a big tip jar on the front of the stage. I tipped him 5 bucks, and he stopped in the middle of his song and thanked me, which I thought was pretty cool. Cuz I'm a foreigner, and I crave attention.

That was bar # 6, by the way. The Denver Chilis does count, it's my blog dammit.

I left there, and went....next door. Bar # 7. There were 9 customers this time. The singer there was an old guy, not very entertaining....I just had 1 beer, and sat in the back. I left there after 20 minutes, without tipping, which got me a super loud "THANKS BUDDY" as I walked out. That made me laugh.

After that, I covered pretty much all of downtown, which was pretty cool....but small. I realized right away that 3 days here was going to be a waste of my time. Turns out I was sorta wrong, thankfully. Sorta.

It was bout 6PM by now, and dark, so I figured I'd grab some food downtown and then just chill in my hotel room for the night. I went to a sports bar (#8) across the street from the hockey arena. For some retarded reason, I ordered the fried catfish...which was actually good. I also ordered a beer, and when the waitress brought my food, she brought me...2 budweisers. I was totally confused. And since they were 4.25 US, I wasn't planning on having 2 there. I coulda had them for 2.50 across the street. I kinda stared at them blankly (since I was buzzin from the previous beers from previous bars). The waitress noticed my confusion, came over, and said,

"Honey, if you're wonderin why ya got 2, it's happy hour. 2 for 1 beers, 4 to 7PM".

I had found my new hangout from 4-7PM, obviously.

After discovering my new local, I walked back to the hotel, grabbed a 6er from the deli/beer store attached to the hotel, and proceeded to stay up till 4AM watching a Roseanne marathon on Nick at Nite. Fuck you, after some catfish and a few Miller Lites, that show is hilarious.

Day 2 is kinda boring, and the reason I wish I hadn't spent 3 days in Nashville. I got up at 11AM, checked out every single tourist site in the city (except for the country music hall of fame...I wasn't spending 20 bucks to see Elvis's cadillac....by the way, isn't he the king of rock n roll? Why is his fucking caddy in the CMHF?). There's actually a lot of cool stuff in Nashville, but I'm not a big american history buff, so a lot of it was lost on me.

I went to one more honky tonk (bar #9), which was lame cuz a band was in soundcheck for their evening show, then went back to the happy hour bar. Had a few beers, and "sausage and cheese" off the menu. I got fried sausage, crackers...and a BLOCK of cheese. No joke. It was an appetizer plate my dad serves whenever anyone comes over, except I had to cut my own cheese, pardon the pun. It was damn good...but very odd. Anyways, after that, I gathered more Miller Lite goodness from the deli, and ended up ordering pizza at 3AM. I'm like a fat chick.

Last day was by far my favourite. Cuz there was hockey involved, obviously. And this was definitely the strangest hockey game I've ever been to.

I pretty much spent all day loungin in my hotel, since I had seen everything. This is where I think I messed up a bit, by the way. I could have spent all of day 2 somewhere else, and explored Nashville for all of day 3 before the hockey game...and I wouldn't have missed anything. On day 2, I could have caught a day-trip flight to Birmingham, AL...or taken the bus to Bowling Green, KY. But oh well, hindsight is 20/20. (My first and only cliche...leave me alone).

Anyways, the hockey game made it all worth it. I went to my local pub beforehand (across the street from the arena), and a local sports radio station was broadcasting from there. Apparently they do that before all Predator games. And, to my amazement, it meant that beers were 2 for 1...and appys were too. Well, I managed to consume more sausage than I thought possible (as I typed that, I pictured the 156 homo jokes my idiot friends could have oh so creatively come up with....eat shit and die, compadres), and I waddled across the street to, bar none, the most entertaining hockey game of my life. On the ice, and off.

I arrive 45 minutes before the puck drop. I'm sitting there, minding my own business, reading the big screen, and I see:

"80's night! Wear a costume, win a prize! Grand prize: 1987 Lincoln Town Car!"

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried, folks.

That took a few minutes to sink in. I mean...people, if you ever go to Nashville....you'll see that the locals dress like it's 1987 anyways. Why have an 80's night? And why give away a 19 year old car as a grand prize? Is THIS how you attract people to a hockey game?

Next on the screen:

"If you would like to learn the rules of hockey, or if you see something you don't understand tonight, don't hesitate to go to section 302 or 104 and pick up a copy of the official NHL rulebook! Knowledge is power! GO PREDS!"

Um, wow. I'm in the hockey twilight zone.

Not 5 minutes later, the screen of wisdom actually displayed something that TOPPED all of that, much to my amazement.

"Attention Pred fans! Every thursday in november, when the Preds are playing a western conference foe, concession beers are 2 dollars! GO PREDS!"

I read this, and do the math. It's thursday. It's november. The Predators are playing the Minnesota Wild. Last time I checked, the Wild were in the western conference.

I jump up faster than a white guy on the subway in the bronx (foreshadowing again...wait for part 4 of the quadrilogy), and head for the beer stand. I get 4 beers for 8 dollars. Even cheaper than the bar I was at across the street.

This is officially the greatest arena ever, and the game hasn't even started yet.

I get back to my seat, and there's a guy and his girlfriend sitting behind me. Remember, I'm really early, so no one else is even in my section yet, except for these 2. But they turned out to be awesome. The guy was from Minnesota, and loved hockey. But, as it turns out, he hasn't watched it in a few years...and had no clue what the hell was goin on. He was comic gold though.

I told him I just came from Denver, and saw the Avs play. He said, and I quote:

"Really, oh, that's so awesome....seeing Patrick Roy play must have been epic".

If you read part 1...Patrick Roy was being inducted into the hall of fame the night I was in Denver.. That means he hasn't played in the NHL in 4 years. Plus....EPIC? Are you kidding me? I can't believe he used that word in a sentence. He looked....well, he looked primed to win the Town Car, people. 1987, yo.

I just sorta nodded and smiled....and didn't know what to say.

He did his best to top that though, don't worry. I asked him bout being from Minnesota, and if he was a big Wild fan....he explained that he has lived in Tennessee for 10 years now, but he was a big North Stars fan back in the day, before they moved to Dallas. And it was a shame, cuz Minnesota "had the 2nd longest running NHL franchise, besides Montreal".

Umm.

In reality, the North Stars came into the league in 67...and there were 5 other franchises (and the Habs) that existed much longer than the North Stars. I didn't feel like breaking his little Minnesotan heart though, so I kept that to myself. In the meantime, he continued to spit chewing tobacco into his can behind me, and his girlfriend begged for a hot dog. He declined. I laughed. No, I'm not kidding.

I would like to point out again that all this happened before the game had even started.

So...game time. Nashville jumped out to 3-1 lead at the end of the 1st, and I drank my 4 beer. I become brave at this point, and decided to peel off my hoodie, revealing my canucks jersey. I've had a few, so I don't realize that the canuck hatred isn't quite at the level as it was in Denver. In fact, no one in my section even notices my jersey for the whole intermission. I decide to go for a walk to get more 2 dollar beers, and receive one of the funniest comments of my life.

"HEY MAN! That is the coolest jersey ever! I LOVED THE HARTFORD WHALERS!"

Umm....what?

I'm wearing a vintage jersey....the blue one, with the hockey stick. But...the Whalers? What?

I proceed to stop and laugh so hard I almost pee. Luckily there's a bathroom nearby.

I go back to my seat, give my new hockey-challenged friend a beer, his girlfriend a beer (which she says is nicer than anything her boyfriend has ever given her....I shoulda hit that), and watch the 2nd period. By the end of the 2nd, it's 6-4 Nashville, and already the highest scoring game I've ever witnessed live.

A guy dressed as Richard Simmons wins the 80's contest and the 87 Town Car. Yes, I actually witnessed that.

I stayed put for the 3rd, didn't need anymore 2 dollar beers. (don't wanna stagger back to the hotel drunk in a strange town...plus my flight leaves at 8AM), and watched Minnesota come back to tie it 6-6. The game goes to overtime, and my hometown boy Paul Kariya gets hauled down with 38 seconds left in OT, and gets a penalty shot...and hits the crossbar. Goes to a shootout...and Minnesota wins. 7-6. Fucking incredible game.

Back to hotel. Up till 3AM. More Roseanne. Okay, more Miller Lite too. Wake up at 5:30. To head to Chi-Town.

That's part 2. Sorry it's so long. This is for me, as much as you. If any of this seemed wholly unnecessary or pointless, please tell me.

Part 3 - Chicago/Pittsburgh/Boston....available upon request. That means post comments, and tell me you like what you're reading. If not....well, screw you too. : )