America, Part 4

I'm enjoying the first Gin n Tonic (EDIT...2...okay 3 Gin N Tonics...sorry Jen) of my entire life right now. "Enjoying" might be a stretch...but it's pretty much my only option. I'm in Victoria. I'll explain why when my odyssey concludes. By the way, I'm not purposely building to some sorta interesting side story, cuz it's not really one I wanna tell, to be honest. We'll get to that later, when it's applicable and meaningful. Hence the Gin N Tonic.

I would also like to point out how much the spacebar on this computer sucks. So, if there should be a space there.....comfort yourself with the fact that I intended one there too. Don't blame the booze, or the author....got it?

BOSTON

Last time I checked in, I was tired, hungover, and indented. I got off the US Airways flight (not my favourite, if you care), and took public transit to the hostel. Other than a small incident with a transit worker, where she asked if I was "slow" or not (she was right, I asked a retarded question), I made it to my hostel safely. It was 3 hours before checkin, but they were kind enough to accept me (unlike Chicago). I got cleaned up, and claimed my bed. Surprisingly, someone else had claimed this bed as well, despite the specific bed assignment in each room. Since he wasn't there....I moved his shit. Tough poopy, foreigner. Turns out he was little, and Korean. So there!

Anyways, I managed to drag my hungover ass outta the hostel, and explored....a lot. Boston is totally awesome. I was staying in Back Bay, which is the richest area of the city. I coulda taken the T (subway) downtown, but I decided to walk. I covered a lot of ground. First up, Newbury St, which is the snooty, rich shopping area of town. All of these designer boutiques are in brownstones...those are turn-of-the-last-century houses. All connected. They're really super nice, but, to be honest, I have no clue how to explain them. To me, they looked like the area of Leeds my brother Terry lives in....but apparently in Boston, they can rent them out for 2000 a month cuz they're close to Harvard. Go figure.

Anyways, once I got past the area I didn't belong in (since I'm not filthy rich), I arrived in the center of the city, which is a massive, beautiful park. The closest thing to Stanley Park I've ever seen. The squirrels were hilarious, much like Stanley Park. They were willing to climb anything or anyone for food. I spent quite a while observing their hilarity (and resting my feet...the park was 2 miles from the hostel)....then I moved onto the State Capitol....which was hosting a protest. I walked up there, expecting your average tree-hugging protesters...and came across some...well, some weird ass people. Apparently, they were protesting on behalf of gay marraige. And, me, being a retarded tourist,. had managed to end up in the middle of this sexually challenged pack.

Once I realized what was going on, I naturally tried to...well, get the fuck outta there ASAP. Notice how I said "tried". I arrived front and center right as someone important was leaving the Capitol, so as I tried to exit stage left, homo central went right for the Capitol jugular. I managed to fight my way out, but not before getting hit with 2 or 3 signs, and stepping on a tranny or 2. Unfortunately, I'm not kidding.

I realize what kind of territory this opens up to my "friends". Believe me, I debated long and hard (shut up!) about whether to include this part, cuz I'm pretty sure I'll take more heat for this than Jeff (or Kam) did when Sangeeta got pregnant. (YES!) Kul....just kidding. I love jokes 97% of my audience doesn't understand. Leave me alone bastards!

Anyways, in my defense, I will say that a) I was unaware of a homo rally. b) I wasn't a willing participant in the homo rally, despite my proximity. c) I woulda hit one of them, but they all looked like they had pretty deadly purses.

After that thuuuper (say it out loud, you'll get it) experience, I wandered to Government Center, home of the City Hall, the JFK Building, and a bunch of other historical stuff I didn't study for, since I was hungover on the plane ride here. I did check out the Holocaust memorial, which was very memorable and enlightening. No jokes here, it was very interesting to me, and very moving.

I wish I could follow that up with something equally as moving and emotional....unfortunately, this is me we're talking about. I went to the bar across the street to watch the Patriots game (number 15). What, were you expecting anything less?

Watched the Pats wreck the Packers, had a few, and walked the 2.7 miles back. Rough walk, probably shoulda taken the subway...but it was worth it. It was dark by now, so I was a bit sketchy bout my safety...but there was nothing to worry about. Boston is a very walkable, safe city. At least, the areas I covered....which was literally half the city. I was very impressed.

Anyways, got back to the hostel, played on the net a bit, and went to the pizza place around the corner. Dollar slices, and 4 dollar jugs of PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon, Morgan's favourite beer). No , it doesn't count as a bar. It woulda been heaven, except the sound was turned down on the football games, and they were blaring...gospel music. Even PBR couldn't overcome gospel music. It was nails on a chalkboard during a football game.

Back to the hostel. The hostel has outings every night....you sign up, go along with a hostel crowd, and get free cover to wherever they're goin that night. Unfortunately, it was a jazz bar that night. Not my scene. I asked at the front desk where the closest bar was.

Best question of my trip.

She told me bout the bar round the corner, behind the hostel, but said she didn't "recommend it, cuz of the clientele". Sounds good to me.

I described it a bit in a previous blog. When I got there (bar number 16), it was allll locals. Guys that go there every night, and didn't seem like big fans of outsiders. My ID even got denied at the door, depsite it being perfectly legal. I just happened to have my passport on me as well, which didn't sit well with the doorman (aka the owner, Jimmy). But he had to let me in.

I sat there all night, drinking Miller Lites, and watching football with the sound on. At first I was kinda nervous, since it was obvious I wasn't welcome. There were probably 10 people in there, all seated around me, and all talking to each other. I kept quiet for the most part, till I knew the answer to a question the others had posed, and couldn't answer. The first time I did that....well, I farted in church. They all looked at me like I was about to get beaten. But, it passed, and the next time it happened, they actually included me in their discussion. I was told I was either "too stupid to stay, or too smart to belong"...but after that, I was a regular. I was introduced to everyone in the place, and was accepted. It was....awesome.

After that, we watched cartoons all night, and I talked about sports and random shit with the patrons. It was a lot of fun. Jimmy (the owner) still hated me, but that would change the next day.

I went back to hostel, very happy with myself for fitting in somewhere I didn't really belong. And fell asleep soundly, after 17 Miller Lites.

Day 2 began, with a whimper. I woke up at 11, to the cleaning lady banging on the door. I had a shower, and thought I should head towards Fenway Park. Fenway was my only real reason for going to Boston, other than the hockey game. Since the hockey tickets didn't arrrive on time, Fenway was gonna be my shining moment in Beantown sports history. It didn't disappoint.

It was super close to my hostel, maybe a 15 minute walk....I bought a ticket for the tour, and was off (with 140 other tourists) on my adventure. If you don't like baseball, skip this paragraph. If you do...well, it was pretty damn sweet. I got to walk on the field, and touch the green monster. Got to look inside the monster scoreboard. Saw the seat where Ted Williams hit the longest homer in Fenway history (502 feet...and that was 60+ years ago!), and heard some awesome stories. These people HATE the Yankees, by the way. Every story was about the evil Yankees winning...except 2004, the ultimate redemption.

After the tour, I went across the street to Boston Beer Works and had lunch. Bar .number 17, for those counting. It's across the street from Fenway...the Patriot Pilsner is worth a try, for those who care.

After that, headed back to the hostel a bit, then decided to go to...Cheers!

You all know about Cheers...the sitcom, back in the day. It involved a pretty long walk, basically the same as the one the day before. Cheers (the real one, not the replica downtown) isn't far from the homo-lovin state capitol on beacon hill. Again, I could have taken the T, but I felt like walking. Instead of Newbury or Boylston, I walked along the Charles River. MIT and Harvard are on the other side of the river, for those of you that care.

Anyways, after another walk through City Park, I arrived at Cheers. The outside is just like the opening of the show. The inside is....just another pub. Not the same as the show. It was overpriced, and suuuuper busy. I didn't even stay for a beer, so it don't count as a bar visit. Someday, I will find a bar that will yell "TIMMMMM" when I enter. Oh yes, it will happen.

On the way back, I found a happy hour bar (number 18) and had a couple, before going back to the pizza place for dinner. I went back to the hostel, which was sponsoring a trip to an Irish bar. Screw that! I had my very own dive bar around the corner!

Jimmy ID'd me like he'd never met me before, but the patrons were much more hospitable. We watched Monday Night Football, and I won a 20 dollar bet. Then we watched Michael Richard's apology on Letterman. If ya dunno what I'm talkin bout, crawl outta your cave and google it.

Anyways, this bar was split evenly race-wise, and it was super interesting to hear everyones take on it. Mostly, the white people thought it was unforgivable, and his apology sucked. The black people actually almost defended him, and said he probably wasn't being racist, just ignorant, and there was a big difference. I was super surprised. The blacks explained that, when cornered, almost everyone will act primitively, and resort to the easist way to offend someone. In Richard's case, it was the N bomb, since he was being heckled by blacks. If it was Dave Chapelle,and he called a bunch of white people crackers, would anyone have cared?

They made a damn good point. And after I said my piece, Jimmy bought me a beer. Alex, the bartender, did too.

Anyways, the discussion went much deeper than this, but I can say that I left the bar that night as a more enlightened, understanding person. Everyone in there was super cool with me, and I can't wait to go back. It was a volatile discussion, one that could have easily led to hostility or anger. Instead, it was handled with dignity and maturity. I'm not sure why a drunken conversation stuck out as anything more than that...but it was something I had never experienced before...I was impressed.

Believe me, I'm arrogant. That's rare.

I slept soundly that night, after checking craigslist to see how much rent was in this intriguing city.

Brief summary of Boston - Awesome. Simply awesome. The city is designed perfectly for tourists. I couldn't possibly do it justice in a blog entry. It's doesn't feel like a big city, due to the huge number of college/university students...yet it doesn't come across as overly intellectual either. It's got tons of history, plenty of charm, and is totally liveable. I've been to lotsa places, and there's only 3 I could ever picture myself living in for any length of time....Vancouver, Edinburgh, and Boston. It's safe, interesting, and full of charisma. It's half an hour from Providence, and within a couple hours of 3 other states. It's 4 hours to NYC.

You get all that, and the unique charm of the people that reside there. Believe me, I completely underestimated the allure of this city. If you ever get the chance, check it out.

I know, not as funny or witty as my previous entries...but this city really was different than the others on my trip. And to think, I almost skipped it.