Shabbat is the
stupidest thing of all time. I've mentioned this in previous blogs
(that I wrote like a year ago - fuck off, I'm slow) that New Years Eve
happened to fall on Shabbat so we weren't even sure if anything would
be open. Earlier that day, we got kicked out of a bar at 4pm for the
start of this crap and it didn't end until sundown the next day. Not
much was open for NYE, but Dublin's was. That's the Irish bar that was
up the street from our hotel. And it was certainly one of the more
memorable NYE's of my life.
We got there really early since we figured it was gonna get busy. It didn't for a long time though so it was basically us and a cute, big-nosed bartender. We were ordering jager on the rocks for some weird reason (I think it was on special), but it was pretty good. A drunken Santa showed up and started dancing on the bar and singing which annoyed the shit out of us, except for the fact that all the waitresses were dancing as well. We were watching the world juniors on Bitch's phone which somehow got the attention of a Brazillian Jewy chick whose name I still can't spell to this day. They talked about all sorts of stuff while I talked to the bartender girl and stuffed various Israeli beers in my face.
By the end of the night we were completely blasted as expected and the bar was packed. Things ended strangely though. Our bill was like 200 bucks, twice what we thought it would be. After the bartender flipped out when we dared to question her, we found out that she had been giving us DOUBLE jagers all night. Ohhhhh. That explained the bill. And us sacking up enough to challenge her on it.
I didn't have enough coin on me so I had to go to the bank machine outside. For some reason, two tiny Jewy guys decided to not let me out of the bar. It was absolutely packed so I had to try and push past them, but they combined resources to block my way for no apparent reason. And they wanted to fight, which was hilarious. They were both about 5'3, and even though I explained I just needed to get money, they wanted to go. I ended up getting tired of their shit and just pushed them outta the way and walked out. The bouncers stopped them from coming after me outside, which was welcome. Problem was...I had to come back.
When I did get back with my money, they were still there, and still angry. I had two choices - fight my way back in and back out, or tell a (different) doorman what the deal was. I chose the latter, and watched the dude (who was smaller than me) swat them outta the way like flies and glare at them until I came back out. Jess was with me by this point, but had no idea what the deal was. He just followed me and my escort out of the bar. And went to the Old Town shitfaced for some reason, with that Brazillian jewy girl. I was too pissed off to follow though, so I tried to buy more beer at the store. It's right there on the shelf, but you can't purchase it after 11pm. Fucking fuck. So I just went and passed out.
The next day featured mild hangovers, but nothing too bad. We decided to go check out Masada, an old fortress on top of a cliff. You get up there by cable car. Jess was planning on going all along, but I'm a big baby about heights so the whole cable car thing scared the shit out of me. I ended up tagging along, which led to a couple of humorous situations.
The GPS was wonky once again, but we basically knew where we were going. After stopping at a gas station featuring a dude offering camel rides in the parking lot (camels rule), we got down there. We were waved into the parking lot without getting our car searched because we were white, and we paid up and got on the cable car. It wasn't so bad for me until the very top, when it arrived with a big thud and you had to step out on this little precarious platform that featured a 500 foot drop on every side. I involuntarily blurted out "JESUS CHRIST!" to which Jess replied "They don't like him here man." That got a chuckle out of a few people on the cable car at least, and me.
It was very cool to check out though, other than a walkway up to the site against a rock face that featured a huge dropoff on the other side. I stuck to the wall like glue while Jess made fun of me. Bitch ended up taking a bunch of pics and turning them into this massive panorama that's on his wall in his new place.
On the way back we stopped at a beach where Jess paid a shitload of money to go float in the Dead Sea, and played with the camels again back at the gas station (the like fries - go figure), then headed straight to the bar since the dastardly Shabbat was finally over. It was called Mike's Bar, a pseudo-American place (same franchise as the one in Tel Aviv), and we soon made friends with the customers and barman. A dude from Manchester who sounded just like Michael Bisping; a South African/jewy bartender named Barry; and various American members of the Israeli army and Air Force. And these dudes were about as racist as possible, which was seemingly good to go in Israel. Or at least they said so. "It's okay here!" was their mantra.
The air force dude just kept saying "You can't trust Arabs!" while the military police guy told us he was raised Irish Catholic in the southern US until he was 14, when his dad suddenly came home one day and said "We're moving to Israel for my work. We're jewish now." He told us all about the battles between the "ragheads" and the "penguins" that were the worst to deal with. We had no fucking clue what a penguin was, and discussed it while he went to the can to no avail. Finally we asked Barry. "They're the ultraorthodox jews, the ones that hate everything, even us. They're called that because they wear all black and waddle around town. They look like penguins." Jess and I laughed at that for the rest of our trip.
We ended up staying there all night and getting totally blasted with this crazy cast of characters. The last thing I remember was Barry making me an MP, which he said contained 5 types of alcohol in a big glass. It was blue. I asked what the mix was, he said "Curacao". I said no, the mix...like, juice, pop? He said "Curacao". No wonder it's the last thing I remembered that night. Jess said I just took off on him and left him there with the group, which now included his Brazillian Jewy chick friend who was a former employee of that bar and had stopped by. I woke up just as hammered as I was when I went to sleep. That's only happened to me a few times in my life, but I was still flying.
I'll finally finish up this thing with one more blog covering out last day in Israel, one day in Stockholm, and my three days in Austria.
We got there really early since we figured it was gonna get busy. It didn't for a long time though so it was basically us and a cute, big-nosed bartender. We were ordering jager on the rocks for some weird reason (I think it was on special), but it was pretty good. A drunken Santa showed up and started dancing on the bar and singing which annoyed the shit out of us, except for the fact that all the waitresses were dancing as well. We were watching the world juniors on Bitch's phone which somehow got the attention of a Brazillian Jewy chick whose name I still can't spell to this day. They talked about all sorts of stuff while I talked to the bartender girl and stuffed various Israeli beers in my face.
By the end of the night we were completely blasted as expected and the bar was packed. Things ended strangely though. Our bill was like 200 bucks, twice what we thought it would be. After the bartender flipped out when we dared to question her, we found out that she had been giving us DOUBLE jagers all night. Ohhhhh. That explained the bill. And us sacking up enough to challenge her on it.
I didn't have enough coin on me so I had to go to the bank machine outside. For some reason, two tiny Jewy guys decided to not let me out of the bar. It was absolutely packed so I had to try and push past them, but they combined resources to block my way for no apparent reason. And they wanted to fight, which was hilarious. They were both about 5'3, and even though I explained I just needed to get money, they wanted to go. I ended up getting tired of their shit and just pushed them outta the way and walked out. The bouncers stopped them from coming after me outside, which was welcome. Problem was...I had to come back.
When I did get back with my money, they were still there, and still angry. I had two choices - fight my way back in and back out, or tell a (different) doorman what the deal was. I chose the latter, and watched the dude (who was smaller than me) swat them outta the way like flies and glare at them until I came back out. Jess was with me by this point, but had no idea what the deal was. He just followed me and my escort out of the bar. And went to the Old Town shitfaced for some reason, with that Brazillian jewy girl. I was too pissed off to follow though, so I tried to buy more beer at the store. It's right there on the shelf, but you can't purchase it after 11pm. Fucking fuck. So I just went and passed out.
The next day featured mild hangovers, but nothing too bad. We decided to go check out Masada, an old fortress on top of a cliff. You get up there by cable car. Jess was planning on going all along, but I'm a big baby about heights so the whole cable car thing scared the shit out of me. I ended up tagging along, which led to a couple of humorous situations.
The GPS was wonky once again, but we basically knew where we were going. After stopping at a gas station featuring a dude offering camel rides in the parking lot (camels rule), we got down there. We were waved into the parking lot without getting our car searched because we were white, and we paid up and got on the cable car. It wasn't so bad for me until the very top, when it arrived with a big thud and you had to step out on this little precarious platform that featured a 500 foot drop on every side. I involuntarily blurted out "JESUS CHRIST!" to which Jess replied "They don't like him here man." That got a chuckle out of a few people on the cable car at least, and me.
It was very cool to check out though, other than a walkway up to the site against a rock face that featured a huge dropoff on the other side. I stuck to the wall like glue while Jess made fun of me. Bitch ended up taking a bunch of pics and turning them into this massive panorama that's on his wall in his new place.
On the way back we stopped at a beach where Jess paid a shitload of money to go float in the Dead Sea, and played with the camels again back at the gas station (the like fries - go figure), then headed straight to the bar since the dastardly Shabbat was finally over. It was called Mike's Bar, a pseudo-American place (same franchise as the one in Tel Aviv), and we soon made friends with the customers and barman. A dude from Manchester who sounded just like Michael Bisping; a South African/jewy bartender named Barry; and various American members of the Israeli army and Air Force. And these dudes were about as racist as possible, which was seemingly good to go in Israel. Or at least they said so. "It's okay here!" was their mantra.
The air force dude just kept saying "You can't trust Arabs!" while the military police guy told us he was raised Irish Catholic in the southern US until he was 14, when his dad suddenly came home one day and said "We're moving to Israel for my work. We're jewish now." He told us all about the battles between the "ragheads" and the "penguins" that were the worst to deal with. We had no fucking clue what a penguin was, and discussed it while he went to the can to no avail. Finally we asked Barry. "They're the ultraorthodox jews, the ones that hate everything, even us. They're called that because they wear all black and waddle around town. They look like penguins." Jess and I laughed at that for the rest of our trip.
We ended up staying there all night and getting totally blasted with this crazy cast of characters. The last thing I remember was Barry making me an MP, which he said contained 5 types of alcohol in a big glass. It was blue. I asked what the mix was, he said "Curacao". I said no, the mix...like, juice, pop? He said "Curacao". No wonder it's the last thing I remembered that night. Jess said I just took off on him and left him there with the group, which now included his Brazillian Jewy chick friend who was a former employee of that bar and had stopped by. I woke up just as hammered as I was when I went to sleep. That's only happened to me a few times in my life, but I was still flying.
I'll finally finish up this thing with one more blog covering out last day in Israel, one day in Stockholm, and my three days in Austria.
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