Hockey Trip, Part 4

This has taken me waaay too long to finish. Shut up, I'm lazy. Deal with it. This will cover Chicago/Detroit. I'll finish up the story with Sarnia and misc. stuff in a separate blog. Game on.

There's something about Chicago...I really think the city hates me. I've gone out of my way to go there twice now, and both times I've been prevented from actually checking out much of the city. Last time, it was cuz I tried to take a quick nap at 6pm, and woke up 14 hours later. This time? I still wasn't feeling too hot. How the fuck do I get sick on a trip? I never get sick!

The hotel was awesome. Right on Michigan Av, across from Grant Park. Cool doorman, beautiful lobby, flat screen in the room (only ours though, for some reason), and a store inside that sold a shitload of meds. I told the guys I was gonna get super high on meds and take a nap, and they went exploring...but not before Rob told me a story about someone with my symptoms being left alone, only for his family to come back later and have to rush him to the hospital cuz he had almost died from pneumonia. Thanks, Milo. I didn't think about that at all as I was falling asleep. Bastard.

The guys went to Wrigley and did some other stuff, and eventually came back and got me after dark. Thankfully, I was feeling much better. After some food at the ESPN Zone (my 3rd out of 8), and a couple of beers at some preppy dueling piano bar, we called it quits early. The next day was gonna be a long one. Incidentally, it was the only night Paul and Jeff didn't drink till 3am. Those guys are fucking warriors. I'm still jealous.

I was sick, and snored a lot apparently. Milo got virtually no sleep. He was not a happy Milo...he even tried sleeping in the bathtub, to no avail (Sorry bud). We again decided on a cab, since it was just easier. Our cool doorman hooked us up though...he got us a ride in a pimp cadillac, with a stop at the United Center included, for the same price as a cab. Pics in front of the Jordan statue, and onto...Motown. I'm not gonna lie, I was nervous. I had heard some things about this place...

The Detroit airport was suitably ghetto. Getting the rental car was easy...then we ventured into the city. Rob accidentally popped the hood release at 110 kph on the highway and screamed, which was pretty hilarious. He had to pull over and open and shut the thing.

Hoooly shit. Detroit is the fucking HOOD! Everything you'd heard about the place is true. Times 10. Abandoned, derelict houses and buildings everywhere, the roads are all torn up...it was like a cold Baghdad. After White Castle, we went on a bit of a hood tour...hoooly crap. I thought we were gonna die. Thug Life, represent! I know I sound like a cornbread white guy from the burbs here...but eff off, that's exactly what we are! I was scurred, yo.

It got better though...there's like 3 or 4 blocks downtown that are actually nice. Comerica Park (baseball stadium) was fucking awesome. The 2 hockey bars we went to, Cheli's Chili Bar and Hockeytown, were sweet too. Especially Hockeytown. Was great hearing the story about the guy that busted in the front door and shot 3 people at Cheli's...that didn't scare me at all. I only peed a little bit.

We decided to park at Hockeytown and take their shuttle to the arena. Going down was great...coming back, not so much. Joe Louis Arena is the Pacific Coliseum people. 2 hour beer lines, 2 hour bathroom lines, and terrible facilities. The modern tech we missed out on was more than made up for by the people. This crowd was MEAN! It was awesome.

The usher told us we weren't allowed in the first 2 rows to watch the warmup, cuz that was season ticket holder territory. Yea, okay bud. We went right down, yelled some more. Willie Mitchell stared at us in disbelief. He was probably thinking "these retards AGAIN?!?" He busted out laughing, and fell down. That was all kinds of funny. A lot of the canucks were acknowledging us, which was pretty damn cool.

Right after that, the beer/puck incident I documented in part 1 went down. Fucking Matt Cooke. I still can't believe I didn't get one drop of beer on me. I sure got some everywhere else though...right when the "season ticket holder" showed up. HOLY MAFIA. Greased back hair, pimp clothes, whole deal. I was sure Luca Brasi here was gonna make sure I was sleeping with the fishes. I was done. Outta nowhere, 2 ushers come running down with towels and spray cleaner. They actually mopped up all the beer and wiped the guy's seat down for him while he waited. I apologized to Luca repeatedly and kissed his ring (not really, but it sounded good), but he waved me off..."It's okay-a kid, these-a guys are here to clean up. You mighta wanna take-a that shitty jersey off though". Who knew the dagos could be funny? Just jokes Luca, just jokes.

Game was incredible. JLA might be old, but it's got atmosphere. People booed us and our Canucks jerseys left and right. After the 2nd period, Pauly pointed at a couple of empty seats behind Detroit's net and said they had been vacant the whole game. We scooted down there, and watched the rest of the game in the 2nd row, bitches! We even got on Sportsnet finally! Canucks lost a shootout, but we had the best seats in the house for it. Thanks Pauly! The funniest part was that Milo, Jeff, and 2 of Milo's friends from Sarnia came down and tried to sit behind us...and got kicked out in like 30 seconds...while we yelled at them and called them seat stealers. HAHA!

We could NOT find our shuttle back to the bar. There were like 100 busses, all unlabeled. It was completely disorganized, yet totally defined Detroit. Pauly decided he was just gonna start filming people...he busts out his camera, and the first guy that sees the thing, 5 seconds later, walks up to us and says "You'll love this, guys!" He whips open his jacket, laughing, and he's wearing..a fucking CALGARY FLAMES jersey. I tried to boo him, but I couldn't stop laughing. No matter where you go, there's always one homo in the crowd!

We finally ended up taking a cab...and nearly died. The cabbie was CRAZY. Just pinned it the whole way...in between lanes, other side of the road, through lights, the whole deal. It was fucking intense! After we arrived and our heart rates dropped to normal levels, we found the car (and Pauly filmed me dry heaving in the parking lot...thanks buddy), and started the drive to Sarnia, which was about an hour and a half away. Milo drove, so he was sober...us 3, not so much. We sang Montell Jordan's "This Is How We Do It"...loud. And danced. And Paul filmed it. If he hasn't deleted that yet, I might have to pay him to do it. It's fucking painful to watch.

After some duty free hijinks, we crossed the border back into THE HOMELAND. The border guy said he was just happy we weren't leaf fans. This place was hard not to like!