America, Part 1

Okay, I think I have consumed enough liquor to write part 1 of my epic trek through the land of the free, home of the jack in the box.

GAME ON!

Pre-trip

Twas the night before vacation, and all the thru the bar, the only creature that was stirring, was requesting another ceasaaaaar. It rhymes people, use your damn imagination. Yeah, I went out the night before my trip...with Jamie, Deann, Sonny G, and Drew. Lisa ended up being there too. Twas a good time. Came home, drank more. Bought Morgan a plane ticket from Jackson Hole to Denver, so we could hang out for a couple of days. Well, I didn't really give her much choice (or notice), but it worked out well.

Day 1 - Woke up in the morning, not that hungover, and made my way to the bus station to catch the bus to SeaTac airport. The tone was set for my trip while I was waiting outside the bus station, getting some fresh air. Some guy came out of the station, directly up to me and asked:

"Where's the closest bar?"

I pointed him to the Ivanhoe/Cobalt area across the street, then thought better of it and told him to take the skytrain downtown.

Why is this important?

Cuz I figured that would be me, as soon as I got off every plane/bus/subway/elephant on my trip. Turns out I wasn't far off. Except for the elephant.

The bus was supposed to take 4 hours, 45 minutes. It actually took 6 hours and 30 minutes. In 2 words....it sucked. I hate buses. Oh well, at least I avoided public transit in Seattle. So far so good.

Then I find out my flight to Denver is delayed by 2 hours...and will arrive 10 minutes after the hotel's airport shuttle stops running. Stupid airplanes.

I had 3 hours to kill, so I had a couple drinks in the airport bar (bar # 1), including a bloody mary that was 9.50! No wonder the drink prices weren't on the menu. Bastards.

Board plane to....

Denver

Denver has a massive airport. I finally get out of there, and catch a cab to the hotel. My first question? "Where can I get some beer around here?" Unfortunately, the driver pointed out it was already 1AM, and stores only sell till 1AM. And my hotel's bar closes at 1:30. And the ride takes a half hour. BLAH. Oh well, it was a cool ride. The taxi driver was awesome...he told me lotsa stories bout shitkicking kids that wouldn't pay him, how he was in the army rangers and such. Why is this entertaining? He was 5'1. And I was still scared. Needless to say, I paid my fare.

All 53 dollars of it. Stupid fucking Denver is massive. It was 26 miles to the hotel...and I stayed 9 miles from downtown! If my flight hadn't been delayed, the hotel airport shuttle was....free. Dammit.

To top things off, the bar closed AS I ARRIVED in the hotel. So I went up to my room, watched some TV, and passed out.

Day 2 - Wake up @ 11. Decide to investigate my room, and find...the MINI BAR. Why didn't I look for that the night before, you ask? Cuz I ate a lot of glue as a kid, and don't always use my f'n brain. Good work, fatty. Oh well. Next up, I do what I always do when I wake up somewhere new. I walk 3 blocks in each direction from my hotel, to see what's around. On this walk I found 3 useful things...

1. Liquor store. Open till 11. PM.

2. The hood. Apparently I missed the "Stay out whitey" sign before entering. Oops. Let's just say this cracker wasn't stayin for long.

3. The bus stop, cuz I needed to take the bus downtown sooner or later, since my next 2 nights would be spent down there (Actually, we just took a cab, so this turned out to be pointless...like most of the stuff I do).

Around 1PM, the lobby bar (# 2) opened. I had 2 hours to kill before I had to get on the (free) airport shuttle to go meet Morgan. 4 beers and the 1st half of a college football game later, I was good to go.

Now the rest of day 2 all the way to early day 4 are pretty much like Morgan described in her blog, at this link: http://blog.myspace.com/missmorganelaine

Read it, dammit.

I would like to point out 1 big flaw, and add onto 3 other things.

1. I did NOT dance. I did sing. But I did NOT dance.

Additions -

1. The Ramada hotel bar (bar # 4, bar # 3 was Doubletree hotel sports bar) she's talking about...I ended up staying at THAT hotel the next night. The waitress loved me, and put Coors on special for 2 bucks a bottle, cuz she knew that's what I was drinking the night before. I love denver.

2. I can't even begin to tell you how funny Borat was. It was sooo horribly wrong and politically incorrect (eg. "The running of the Jew"), but it was so beyond hilarious. I've never laughed harder at a movie. GO SEE IT....if you're not easily offended...and if you're not jewish, uzbeki, or scared of testicles.

3. Having Morgan there was awesome....we had a great time. She snores. Yeah, I said it. And if drinking at Chili's counts...that's bar # 5.

*** SIDE NOTE ***

My wacky asian neighbour is shovelling the WHOLE BACK ALLEY. It's 11PM. I'm thinking bout hucking some fortune cookies at him. All the fortunes inside will read:

"Confucius say shoverring bad! terevison good! GO THE FUCK INSIDE JET RI!"

*** SIDE NOTE OVER ***

Day 4 - After Morgan left, I walked across the street to the Ramada, and hung out there all day till the hockey game. The pepsi center is super nice. I just happened to be there the night Patrick Roy got inducted into the hall of fame (and Gargs went to the hall of fame in Toronto that day too, not knowing it was closed becuz of the induction cememony). Anyways, it was super cool to see. The guy sitting beside me with his son didn't know much bout hockey, so I explained the rules, and he bought be 2 beers. Good trade.

I did make the "mistake" of taking off my hoodie in the 2nd period. The guy next to me noticed my canucks jersey, and told the woman next to him. Loud. So pretty much the whole section started to boo me. Pretty badly. It was awesome. I stood up and bowed. They boo'd more. By the way, Edmonton won 2-1, and I was obviously an Oilers fan at that point. For some reason, I wasn't the most popular person in the place.

Next up, went back to the hotel, and drank the 2 dollar beers described above at the hotel bar, cuz Jenni is such a sweet girl. And the only other guy in the place, a salesman from Phoenix stuck in the hotel for a month on a business trip, bought me 2 beers and gave me half his pizza.

Day 5 - Got up in the morning, and took the shuttle to the massive airport. Boarded my flight to Nashville, which will be part 2.

Brief summary of Denver - Great city. Downtown is awesome, and set up very well for tourists. The city is basically flat, which I totally didn't expect. The mountains are far away. I always thought the "mile high air" thing was crap, since I've been to much higher places. It's not. I was totally outta breath walking short distances, especially uphill (shut up bastards, I know I'm fat and out of shape, this was different). Pepsi Center was killer. Denver people love Canadians, and know a lot about it, apparently cuz of the skiing similarities. There was even a Canadian flag in front of the Doubletree (which I saluted both days I was there...I saved the anthem for the NYC subway, ask Jeff).

# of bars so far - 5 (if you count chilis)

# of beers purchased for me by kind americans - 5, plus pizza

That's bout all I got for now.

Don't worry. Part 2 won't be as long. Just so you know, this took 1 hour, 8 minutes, and 2 caesars to write.

Beantown

I'm in Boston.

When in Boston, I highly recommend finding a "dive bar" and seeing how the locals live. Every single person that came in there tonight (except for me) goes there every single night. At first, I thought they'd just ignore me and treat me as an outsider. Boy was I wrong....these people are awesome. We watched football and cartoons all night, but it was hilarious. It's pretty much a running theme for my trip (when I get home, you'll hear all bout it, don't worry).

Anyways....I gotta sleep off these 17 miller lites.

Mike = married!

I know I'm a pretty eloquent guy, most of the time. At least on here.

Stop shaking your head, god dammit. Well, my eloquence, that's going out the fucking window, right now. Go beer!

My best friend got married tonight, in case you weren't keeping score.

It all actually turned out awesome. No one fucked anything up, nothing crazy happened. I did my speech (!), and I didn't hear one cricket noise. No tumbleweeds, nothing. (Only Len will get that, but dammit, it's my fucking blog, I can get as specific as I want).

Mikey was incredible. I can't begin to describe all the amounts of cool he was tonight. I've never been more proud to call the kid my best friend. The kid is oozing charisma. I'm sooo proud of him. I'm a cold guy, not much can get to me, but the wedding ceremony was actually reallly...nice. Mike had tears, Shannon was gorgeous...I had the best seat in the house, right behind them. I had to sign the wedding certificate...wow, that was the worst signature of my life....I was shaking so bad from standing in front of 75 people (and the 153 drinks I've had since friday afternoon)....yeah....apparently my name is:

XXXX$^^N @%BB$&$#/.

There's a click in there, somewhere. !XOBILE.

Anyways, after that, we did some boring stuff you don't wanna hear about. Then...speech time. I was (excuse the expression) shitting my pants. I was reeeeallly scared. And hungover. That didn't help.

Well. Mike had to go up before me...and dear god, he was incredible. I don't think I've ever been more nervous, and his jokes were so good, he had me completely forgetting I had to talk, I was laughing so hard.

I could never top that. Really people, I dunno how to explain it...he was awesome. Eventually I got up there...and it really wasn't so bad. I wasn't exactly incredible, but I wasn't horrible. I got it over with.

After that, Mikey kept it up. I've seen him do the "dance moves" to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" many a time...but at his wedding? HELLS YEAH. He was awesome. I've probably seen him do that 30 times, but I had tears in my eyes, it was so funny. The kid literally has no fear of anything. Anyone that showed up there not knowing Mikey, or what he was all about...he won their hearts, right there. I wish I had that kinda "testicular fortitude". He's the fucking man.

After that, there was a whole lotta drinking, a lot of Dean Vaughn dancing (which was awesome), and Len eventually passing out in a chair outside the bar. : ) Mikey's stepsister Erin and her boyfriend Will gave me a ride home, which I will be eternally grateful for. I doubt they'll ever read this, but if they do..thank you! So much!

Skynard, if you ever read this, that was one of the coolest weekends ever. Money means nothing, I'll remember all of this stupid shit forever. Damian....I hope you're still married. I can never repay you for saturday. Ask Len...it was legendary. What a fucking day. Jeff (not Gargs, I'm gettin there), say hi to Grandma for me. Bal, thanks for watchin my beers...safest guy in the bar. Milo....Brooklyns, ASAP. Cookie-less. Blackwood...give her another chance...after a glass of wine, that's the most charming girl I've ever met. : ) No shit, I wouldn't dance with any woman in there (cuz I can't dance, take your homo shit elsewhere)...if Mag had asked me I probably woulda stepped up. : ) Gargs...your daughter owned that party. Short of Mag, she was the most charming girl in the tent. Melissa, thanks for putting up with me! Ohhhhh Canada..... (had to say it)

Brown people, you fucking rule. Never comin to a white weddin again, right? At least it didn't last 5 days! Kam (salamander ass caterpillar....okay, you get it) , Sang, Kul, Bal, Sharmila. Marty....umm...the rest of you....thank you.

99% of the people there tonight will never read this...but fuck, I'm so damn proud of the fact that we pulled this off...I don't care.

I mighta looked like a drunken penguin....but dammit, I was the most attractive drunken pengiun anyone's ever seen. Mighta been the haircut, mighta been the booze, but I've never had more confidence in myself....justified or not.

Michael Daly married "Tabatha" Shannon Seddon tonight. Check back here in 20 years or so, and I'll tell ya bout the anniversary.

If I'm invited.

Update

Hello people. Magically, I'm still alive. I'm not gonna type out a trip story right now, basically cuz I'm not shitfaced. (Yes, I am occasionally not shitfaced). I'm a lot more creative when I'm bombed. And I'm in the Nashville Public Library, which only gives you a half hour of internet time. Since I spent the first 15 minutes trying to print out my Penguins/Rangers tickets for saturday in Steel Town, I only have 15 minutes left to type. You wondering why it took me 15 minutes to print something? Here's what I had to do:

1. Get login/password from woman at desk.

2. Use login/password on computer at front to have a time and computer assigned to me....even though there's no one here.

3. Go to computer, enter 4 things of info, get access to net.

4. Check mail, print tickets. But...they don't print, even though I'm sitting next to a printer.

5. Go ask front desk lady what the dilly is. She says my request was sent to the "printing station" so I have to go to THAT computer and print it.

6. Go to that computer. It requires a card.

7. Go back to lady to ask about this card. She tells me that it costs a dollar, and the machine is ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LIBRARY. Why you ask? I've got no fucking idea. Welcome to the dirty south.

8. Go buy card.

9. Come back to printing station, and FINALLY get my tickets.

10. Type this all out, which used up the rest of my internet time.

For those of you who haven't been informed about my itinerary yet....I went to Denver for 4 days (2 with Morgan). I'm now in Nashville, where I have been for 3 days. Tomorrow, I leave for Chicago, for 1 day. Then Pittsburgh for 1 day, Boston for 2 days, and NYC for 3 days. I'll probably have lotsa time to type in Boston, since my Bruins tickets didn't come in the mail in fucking time.

Anyways, peace out....email me if ya bored.

Freedom

A few of you have asked bout the diary blog. It's just something I wrote to myself last night to try and make sense of all the dumb shit that goes through my head.

Oh yeah, I'm also unemployed now.

Note to Self

Saturday, Nov 4th, 10AM - Evanescence/Stone Sour tickets go on sale. Buy them. As close as humanly possible to Amy Lee.

Jan 18th, 6PM. Go to concert. Drool on Amy Lee. Hopefully don't get removed from premises.