Dumbness

The world is truly stupid. Last week, I had to miss a day of work to make sure my dad got home from the hospital okay. He did, thank whomever. Okay, fair enough, he's my dad, it had to be done. In fact, I'm glad I was here to welcome him back into his home. It's ours. He's comfortable here. His comfort is my priority.

Tonight (at 11PM) I get woken up to find out my dad has no ride to the hospital to get his stitches taken out tomorrow. Guess who gets to arrange everythin? Yeah, me. I'll be fucking lucky if I don't get fired. Goodbye level 1, goodbye team fucking leader. Legitimate excuse or not, who the fuck is going to believe it? I really really hope my boss can, but after all that I've been through lately, when does he start to think I'm bullshitting? All I can say is....man, I REALLY wish I was. Bullshit is easy....the truth fucking hurts. Death is stupid. Anything close is a sick fucking joke. I've done both. I'm not laughing.

I throw the dog into dad's room every night, when I'm ready to go to bed. When I don't hear him snore, or shift, or take a breath...I stand there...till I know he's alive. I've resorted to throwing the dog on top of his legs, to hear what I need to hear, so I can sleep peacefully. I call him every morning, at 9AM. To make sure he's alive.

Think I'm fucked up?

You're fucking right I am.

Why would I spit it out here then?

Where fucking else?

I try soooo hard to make myself look responsible...and when I actually step up and show some semblance of responsibilty, I get chopblocked for it. Don't get me wrong, no job is worth leaving my dad in anyone else's hands. But, sweet jesus, a lil warning would be nice. I have no problem with fucking shit up on my own....but when I magically act civilized for a few months, karma kicks me in the nuts.

Once again, the world is stupid.

I don't get angry often...I'm a very level headed kinda guy. But I really wanna break somethin right now. Why can't people accept my circumstances? How did I end up like this? What did I do to deserve this?

It's 12:11AM now. I just called the only person that can REALLY understand this shit. Everyone has friends that are on their "wavelength". He "gets it". He gave me really good advice, that I'm scared shitless to follow.

What does the future hold? I dunno. But it's...12:47 now. I have nothing.