D to the C!

Terrible title. I'm white, I should know better. This is gonna be short too. Anyways, for those of you that didn't know, your fearless fatty decided he needed to go somewhere over the summer...and he decided upon Washington, DC and Boston. Boston should be obvious to anyone that knows me...Jess got a killer job there, and had an even more killer place to stay...so I just had to check that out. DC was sorta decided for me....see, a direct flight to Boston was 540 bucks, even outta Seattle. My brilliant research found me a flight that went Seattle-DC-Boston-Vancouver for 419 bucks. Kinda hard to turn down, right? Exactly.

As a warning to the newbies...I change tenses a lot, from past to present to past, seemingly at random. Learn to love it...it's part of my charm.

So...I'm not gonna lie to my loyal readers...DC's rep scared me. I'm gonna be real wit y'all, yaknowwhatimsayin? I've heard the crime rate there was through the roof, and it wasn't at all safe. I'd like to let everyone know the truth about Washington DC, and I hope you tell anyone that might be considering a trip. There is NOTHING to be scared of. I was amazed. The subway is incredibly safe...every tourist monument is beyond safe...even the nightspots are super-safe. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Don't buy into the hype like I did.
So...you're not gonna get killed in DC, we got that covered. However, people...you might fucking die of boredom.

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Some of my trips start with a bang, some with a whimper. This one was on the whimper side. My bus was 2 hours late getting to Seattle (as usual), so I checked into my hotel right around dusk. I wasn't gonna sit there all night being something stupid like sober, so I walked up to the gas station for sweet Miller Lites and gross food...after a beer at the Bull Pen Pub baby! Go back and read about the last hockey trip...we have history there. I asked...they didn't have Milo's jacket.

After that I returned to schedule, grabbed the necessities at the gas station, and ventured back to the hotel. And also managed to pick up a creepy black dude tailing me on the way home. The road wasn't exactly well-lit, so I had 3 choices...run like a girl, turn around and ask him why he was following me, or...run like a girl. Despite my better judgement (and cuz I run slower than wet cement), I just stopped dead, turned around, and stared at Jerome.

He immediately crossed the street. Being huge rules sometimes!

Back at the hotel, I drank my 6 Miller Lites (and 2 tall cans...full disclosure), and passed the fuck out. 6:49am flights suuuuck.

Get up, get out, get rollin...first flight is dope. Land and connect in Minneapolis, MN. Jess says it doesn't count as a new state if you don't leave the airport. I want to agree...but I also wanna tell people I've been to Minnesota. Readers, I could use your imput here. All 3 of you. Except you Juhl...no one cares what you think.

Burn!

Anyways, I landed in Baltimore around 4pm, and arranged the SuperShuttle to my hotel in Arlington. 55 miles away. And 47 dollars. I'm dumb for showing up on a weekend, cuz the commuter train is 7 dollars...but it don't run on saturdays. Go fatty. Anyways, I get on my nice comfy SuperShuttle...and so do 9 other women, all over 40. NINE of them. Holy awkward. They discuss menopause and all go AWW in unison at weddings we drive by and do many other annoying fucking things...till I finally get to my hotel, 2 hours later. Yes, two. I did see many embassies on the way though, so it's not all bad. So now, I'm in Arlington, Virginia. My hotel room is nicer than 2 outta the 3 apartments I've lived in. 700 sq ft, kitchen, 45 inch HDTV on a stand that turns between the couch and the bed...I hate to sound like a 13 year old girl here, but OMG it was totally cool. Normal price? 200 a night. Tim's magical internet research price? 63 bucks. Hells yeah, bitches. Travel agents ain't got shit on me. Word. Sorry, just reppin the DC lingo, ya heard?

Okay, so where was I? Oh yea...so what kinda exciting shit did I get up to that night? It's Tim, he obviously offended jews and got his dreidel kicked, or thought the "sistas" would love him and ended up "broke and violated". Right?

Nyet.

I bought a case of Yuengling, bet on baseball, and chiiilled. Side note...Yuengling? Not a Chinese beer. Microbrewery, from Philly. I've heard about this shit for years, and always thought it was chinastyle. Nope. Pennsylvania. I feel dumb now. Good shit though.

Back to your regularly-scheduled programming.

So, I'm half drunk, watchin Jeopardy...cuz it validates my brilliance. Last category is "Hip hop" and Alex actually reads out "classic" lyrics like "It's like this and like that and uhhh" and "It's Hot in Herre"...don't tell me thats not funny. Best part?

"The final jeopardy category for our PLAYYYERS!"

Fuck you, you had to be there. It ruled.

This is long enough and I'm outta booze and entertainment, so I'll continue with the rest of DC tomorrow.