Loser, take 1

It's 2:33AM right now. Your average person would be worried if he/she were awake right now...."Jeebus (blatantly stolen from Ottawa Mike), I gotta get up in 3 or 4 hours for work".

Man am I lucky I won the EI lottery. I think.

What has happened to me since my last cryptic entry, you ask?

I'll cover 24 hours in the life of moi. Put on your fucking seatbelt.

ATTENTION - This blog will expose how much of a nerd I really I am. If you somehow had decided I wasn't as much of a loser as I sound like...this will convince you. Except for the Jenner part. Don't fuck with my sister.

Well, I hung out at Jenners for a week or so, till she got better. How did I know when she was better? When she was able to stay up till 5AM drinking with me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the woman had chemo monday morning (hungover), and by saturday, she felt good enough to do the above. Some of you might think this is wrong, immoral, unsafe, etc. You know what I think?

It's fucking awesome. That's what I think. Hells yeah. That's the toughest bitch I know. I'm proud to call her my sister.

So, after that drunken mess, I decided I was gonna come home sunday. Too bad I didn't wake up till 3PM. Thanks Jenner. Anyways, I took the 7PM ferry home.

I'm gonna warn you right now.....Nerdbomber central, take 1.

Anyways, I'm sittin on the ferry, minding my own business (a hot blond girl decided to share the 4 seater with me....so I'm sorta nervous, I'm not gonna lie). I'm basically looking for any reason to look at her, so I look up at anyone who walks by. The first person that walks by is black, and looks familiar. Okay...kinda odd. The 2nd person that goes by is black too, and looks REALLY familiar. Okay, this is really odd. There's like, 9 black people in BC. I'm almost related to 2...so what are the chances that 2 of them (who aren't related to me) are on the ferry, and that I recognize them? Since I don't watch crime stoppers much, this is pretty much impossible.

YES!!! Curtis...that was fucking funny, you gotta admit.

Anyways, this stuns me for about 45 seconds, till I figure out what's going on.

5 guys set up a table directly across from where me and blondie are sitting, and start to play cards. All of them have WWE shirts on. They're all referees and security. I recognize them too, since I'm a nerd.

WWE had a house show in Victoria at 2PM that day, and apparently they were on the ferry, heading back to the mainland, cuz they had to be in Seattle by tuesday.

At this point, I think back to the black people I just saw. Sweet jeebus, that was MVP and Elijah Burke. WWE wrestlers. Big motherfuckers, too.

This takes a couple of minutes to set in. I mean, if these midcarders are on the boat, who fucking else is on here? It's Smackdown/ECW guys...so that means....Batista? Booker? Chris BENOIT?

As "Chris f'n Benoit" is passing between my ears, I see a white guy walking towards me...actually, walking doesn't describe it. He kinda waddles. Somehow, I knew who it was before I even saw his face. It was William Regal. Darren Matthews is his real name. I have no idea what possessed me to do it, but I got right out of my seat, stepped on blondies purse, and blocked his path. And said...nothing at first. After 2 or 3 seconds of uncomfortable silence, I said I was a big fan, and his book was inspirational. He was completely taken aback apparently, and thanked me. He asked if I was mistaking him with Mick Foley, which made me laugh....and we talked for a couple of minutes. He was super nice.

For those of you that don't know, Regal is your average wrestler, but he almost let his addictions kill him. He managed to defy the odds and overcome his problems. His autobiography actually helped me view things a lil differently...his outlook is very unique.

Anyways, that pretty much made my year. I couldn't believe I had met someone that I had considered an inspiration....especially since there's about 4 people in the world that fit in that category.

Oddly enough, that wasn't the only highlight of the boat trip.

So, I realize there's wrestlers on this here boat. I decide to leave my backpack with blondie (Tina...somehow I gathered up the cojones to ask her name and age, 22), and I went for a lap around the boat.

Before you point out the obvious....yes, I left a hot blond girl to go find gigantic men. Believe me, that realization hit me about 7 seconds after Tina went back to her car...I might not be a homo, but I AM retarded. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

So, I walk around. I come across some pretty fucking cool wrestlers. Tommy Dreamer. MVP again. Funaki. Elijah Burke again. I decide to follow Elijah, since he's walking around a bit. He goes into the cafeteria. I don't follow, since I don't feel like ordering food. I go back to my seat (and Tina).

After 10 minutes or so of Tina ignoring me (gigantic surprise there), I decide to get up and go for a walk again. I walk out, turn the corner, and bump into an older gentleman.

Jesus fuck...this "older gentleman" was Ricky Steamboat!!

In case you care, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat was my absolute favourite wrestler when I was a kid. His match with Randy Savage at WrestleMania 3 is widely considered to be the best match in the history of modern wrestling. His matches with Ric Flair in the late 80's aren't far off. I know, I'm a fucking dork for caring about any of this. But everyone has heroes, and Ricky f'n Steamboat was my hero when I was a kid. And I just bumped into him on the ferry!

I actually mustered up the courage to talk to him for a few minutes....it was awesome. He was totally gracious, and super nice. He had white hair now...and he was in his 50's...but that didn't matter. This man was my hero....I felt like a kid again.

I didn't even go looking for Batista or Booker or Benoit after that. I went back to Tina and my seat, and thought about how incredible it was that I just literally bumped into TWO of my idols randomly. From very different periods of my life. Steamboat was my idol as a kid...cuz he was the epitome of good. He made me believe it was the only way to be. And Regal as an adult...cuz he overcame everything that was bad about the world. He perservered, when the world kicked the shit out of him. Eddie Guerrero did too, by the way. His book is magical....that's what made his death even more tragic.

I know, wrestlers are hardly role models to the real world....but, when I was a kid, you couldn't tear me away from a TV that had wrestling on. I didn't care about Superman, GI Joes, or anything else. Ask Mikey n Susan...I would stay up till 3AM to watch NWA Worldwide when I was 9. Why? I have no idea. That's what I could lose myself in. Every kid needs a fantasy world...that was mine. I believed. I wasn't a stupid kid...I didn't believe in much of anything. Why wrestling, you ask?

I have no idea.

Either way, I have never let many people creep into my life...but...somehow, somewhere, along the way...Steamboat captured my imagination...and Regal showed me what my demons really were.

It was a pleasure meeting both of you. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Tim Burke

PS - It's 4:28AM.